Am I better than you, yet?

Publicity? More like “pube city”.

howtotalktogirlsatparties:

WORD THIS SHIT IS SO REAL B CUZ LIVIN WITH A CORNY ANNOYING ROOMMATE OR WORKIN A 10 HOUR SHIFT WITH A OBNOXIOUS NIGGA AS YOUR COWORKER CAN FEEL LIKE YOU THE WEBMASTER OF WWW.BLOWINMINE.COM MY PAL. YOU COULD ALWAYS JUST KILL THE NIGGA BUT THEN THAT CREATES PROBLEMS FOR YOU SUCH AS LIKE YOU KILLED THE NIGGA AND YOU PROLLY WILL HAVE TO ENTER A PRISON FOR SEVERAL DECADES. (THIS DOES NOT APPLY IF YOUR ROOMMATE IS 3 YEARS OLD AND IS YOUR DAUGHTER AND YOU ARE A MARGINALLY ATTRACTIVE WHITE WOMAN.)

IF YOU DON’T GOT THE ABILITY TO BODY THE OFFENSIVE ROOMMATE/COWORKER HERE’S SOME LITTLE STEPS YOU MIGHT COULD TAKE TO HAVE THEM BE LESS ANNOYING AND MAYBE EVEN BE YOUR FRIEND.

BE RUDE BACK: SOMETIMES NIGGAS DON’T REALIZE THEY’RE BEING RUDE TILL YOU DO SOME RUDE SHIT THEN THEY BE LIKE “NIGGA THAT WAS EXTREMELY RUDE!” THEN YOU HIT THEM WITH THE STALE FACE LIKE “SON I JUST TOLD YOU YOU SMELL LIKE THE CAMEL RIDE AT THE BRONX ZOO JUST SO YOU COULD REALIZE YOU WAS BEING OD RUDE TO ME”…”YOU SITTIN NEXT TO ME AT 6AM AND LISTENING TO PEARL JAM WHILE YOU EAT DORITOS AND FART DORITO FARTS IS VERY RUDE BEHAVIOR”…AFTER YOU BREAK IT DOWN LIKE THIS IF HOMIE IS STILL BEING RUDE HE OBVIOUSLY THINK YOU BUNS SO YOU EITHER GOTTA DUFF THE NIGGA OUT OR OPEN HAND SMACK HIS FACIAL. THOSE ARE YOUR 2 OPTIONS CUZ IF YOU JUST LET IT ROCK THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW THAT NIGGA IS GONNA BE STANDING IN THE DOORWAY WITH HIS DICK OUT DOIN THE TROMBONE FLOW WHILE YOU TRY TO PIPE A SHORTY YOU BROUGHT HOME. STRAIGHT DISRESPECT.

DO SOME FOUL PRANK TYPE SHIT: YO IF YOUR ROOMMATE IS THE TYPE OF ANNOYING THAT’S LIKE A MILLION LITTLE CUTS SITUATION LIKE HE LEAVES PISS ON THE TOILET SEAT AND PUTS THE MILK BACK IN THE FRIDGE WITH 2 MILLILITERS OF LIQUID IN IT AND LEAVES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL ON WITH THAT ONE LAST SQUARE THAT YOU CAN’T EVEN USE CUZ YOU PULL IT OFF AND THE SHIT GETS RIPPED TO SHREDDINGTONS…THEN IF YOU LIKE “FUCK IT” AND TRY TO USE IT YOU GET WILD DOODOO ON YOUR FINGERTIPS…IF YOU’RE DEALING WITH A NIGGA LIKE THAT YOU CAN DO ONE HUGE FOUL PRANK AND IT WILL BE LIKE A WEIGHT HAS BEEN LIFTED OFF YOUR SOUL B. IT DON’T EVEN HAVE TO BE SOMETHING THE NIGGA WILL NOTICE. LIKE YOU COULD CALL OVER A CRAIGSLIST HO AND PLEASURE HER VAGINA WITH THE NIGGAS TOOTHBRUSH B. THEN HE’LL BE BRUSHIN HIS TEETH WITH $40 VAGINA NAHMEAN? THAT’S FOUL B. YOU COULD PISS IN THE NIGGAS SOCK DRAWER. THAT SHIT IS SO OUTRAGEOUS HE WON’T EVEN STEP TO YOU ABOUT IT, NAHMEAN LIKE PICTURE YOURSELF ASKING YOUR ROOMMATE “DID YOU DO PEEPEE INSIDE OF MY SOCK DRAWER B? CUZ IT SMELLS LIKE PISS AND MY ANKLE SOCKS IS MOIST” YOU CAN’T EVEN VISUALIZE THAT CUZ IT’S SO WILD.

LISTEN TO THE WORST MUSIC EVER AT ALL TIMES: THIS MIGHT TAKE AN EMOTIONAL MENTAL TYPE TOLL ON YOU B BUT IF YOU PREPARE YOURSELF MENTALLY TO LISTEN TO MAROON5 FOR 3 DAYS STRAIGHT ON BLAST AND YOUR ROOMMATE ISN’T EXPECTING IT, YOU WILL WIN B. THE NIGGA MIGHT EVEN BE DRIVEN TO KILL HIMSELF BY WEARING A FEDORA TILL HE OD’S ON CORNINESS…THE NIGGA MIGHT HANG HIMSELF WITH SHOELACES WHILE WEARING A “VINTAGE” TSHIRT UNDER A BLAZER. IF YOU PLAY LADY ANTEBELLAMY FOR 3 DAYS STRAIGHT WHAT YOU THINK IS GONNA HAPPEN TO YOUR ROOMMATE? THE NIGGA IS GONNA GO CRAZY AND PROLLY SHUFFLE OFF THE ROOF OF THE P’S. THIS IS THE ILL REVENGE PLOT B BECAUSE LMFAO & MAROON5 & LADY ANTIBELGIUM AND OTHER SIMILAR SHIT IS SO FUCKIN CORNY AND TERRIBLE THAT EVEN THAT “@IRESPECTFEMALES” NIGGA WILL PUT A GLOC IN HIS MOUTH AFTER TOO MUCH EXPOSURE TO THAT SHIT.

HAVE KIDS: YO SON, TRUST ME, KIDS CAN BE THE MOST ANNOYING BEINGS ON EARTH B. (ON EARTH LIKE THE WHOLE EARTH) IF YOU WANT I’LL RENT YOU MY SON FOR LIKE A COUPLE RACKS A DAY (ALSO DURING WORK HOURS CUZ MY WIFE WILL PROLLY FROWN UPON ME RENTING OUR CHILD) I’LL BRING THIS NIGGA TO YOUR CRIB AND SET HIM LOOSE AND LET HIM PULL EVERY WIRE IN YOUR HOUSE AND KNOCK DOWN EVERYTHING THAT’S ON YOUR SURFACES B. ALSO HE WILL CHEW UP ANY IMPORTANT PAPERS THAT ARE WITHIN HIS LITTLE BROLICK ARMS REACH. NIGGA WILL START SHRIEKING FOR NO REASON WHEN YOUR ROOMMATE IS TRYNA HEAR THE DIALOGUE IN “DONNIE DARKO” AND WILL FART IN THE NIGGAS FACE AND LAUGH ABOUT IT ON SOME DISRESPECTFUL SHIT. BASICALLY AN INFANT/TODDLER IS LIKE A PITBULL THAT’S NOT HOUSEBROKEN AND USED TO LIVE ON A FARM B, IF YOU LET THE NIGGA LOOSE IN AN APARTMENT HE WILL VIOLATE YOUR WHOLE SHIT IN ABOUT AN HOUR. THE DIFFERENCE IS A PITBULL WILL SIT DOWN AND CHEW YOUR AIR MAX FOR 45 MINUTES AND FOCUS ON THE TASK AT HAND. MY SON WILL THROW ALL YOUR MAIL ALL OVER THE PLACE AND RANDOMLY CHEW WHATEVER HE FEELS LIKE THEN HE’LL CRAWL OVER TO WHERE YOUR TV OR WHATEVER APPLIANCE IS AT AND PULL THE CORD TILL THE SHIT FALLS DOWN AND SHATTERS B. THEN HE’LL CRAWL OVER TO YOUR COUCH AND KNOCK YOUR CHAI LATTE RIGHT ONTO THAT MUTHAFUCKA. HE WILL SHRIEK WITH JOY AS HE DESTROYS THE CRIB. YOUR ROOMMATE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO HANDLE THIS AND AS AN ADDED BONUS IF HE PUTS HANDS ON MY SEED I WILL DECAPITATE THAT NIGGA AND PUT HIM IN A SUITCASE AND LEAVE THAT SHIT ON 168 & AMSTERDAM.

BE HONEST: YOU COULD JUST BE LIKE “NIGGA YOU ARE FUCKIN ANNOYING” AND EITHER GET INTO A FIGHT WHICH WILL RESULT IF ONE OF YALL HAVING TO BOUNCE (THIS WILL HAPPEN IF HE’S NOT WHITE.)…OR YOUR ROOMMATE WILL BE LIKE “AM I REALLY? WHAT DO I DO THAT I ANNOYS YOU? LISTEN, I’M REALLY SORRY AND I’LL TRY MY DARNDEST TO IRON OUT THE KINKS SO WE CAN GET ALONG FAMOUSLY!” (THIS WILL HAPPEN IF HE’S WHITE.) EITHER WAY THIS IS THE MOST DIRECT WAY TO DEAL WITH THE SHIT BUT IN REALITY ALOTTA NIGGAS WON’T GO THIS ROUTE BECAUSE IT PUTS YOU IN A POSITION OF HAVING TO BE A GROWNUP AND ALOTTA NIGGAS WANNA BE LITTLE PETER PAN BABYDICK MICHAEL JACKSON NEVERLAND TYPE NIGGAS AND NEVER BEHAVE IN A GROWED UP FASHION YOU FEEL ME? NIGGAS BE 38 AND STILL “WORKING ON THIS NOVEL” OR IDK, DJ’ING AT A BAR FOR FREE OR SOME SHIT WHILE THEY SELL A LIL 6 GRAMS OF YAY BIWEEKLY. NAHMEAN IF THIS IS YOU YOU NEED TO REVALUATE YOUR LIFE G. YOU CAN START BY BEING DIRECT AND TALKIN STRAIGHT TO YOUR ROOMMATE.

YO MATTERFACT AFTER 30 YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE ROOMMATES ANYWAY CUZ YOU SHOULD BE MAKIN ENOUGH TO SUPPORT YOURSELF WITHOUT SHACKIN UP WITH SOME NIGGAS AND SNIFFIN YAKELBERRY WITH THEM EVERY OTHER DAY WHILE YOU REMINISCE AND TRY TO FUCK 3RD TIER 20 SOMETHING HOES. NAHMEAN AFTER 30 I DON’T CONDONE NIGGAS HAVING ROOMMATES B, YOU EITHER LIVIN WITH YOUR SEEDS AND YOUR WIZ OR YOU NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE AND MOVE OUTTA MANHATTAN/BROOKLYN AND STOP DREAMIN YOUR LIL SOCIALITE DREAMS NIGGA WHICH IS THE PURE ESSENCE OF COKEDREAMS PLAYA. ADMIT DEFEAT MOVE TO LEONIA, PLAY SOFTBALL AND TELL THEM YOUR COKEDREAMS B, THEY’LL LOVE IT . THIS APPLIES TO NIGGAS THOUGH NOT BITCHES BECAUSE I AM A SEXIST AND ALSO GOLDEN GIRLS WAS CUTE, BUT IMAGINE “GOLDEN NIGGAS” THAT SHIT WOULD BE CALLED “LOSERS” CUZ THAT’S WHAT YOU BASICALLY IS.
 

AIGHT MY NIGGA, HOLD YA HEAD

#KNOWLEDGE

- Mero